


Polishing the Conduit

by ApocalypseThen



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, How do you talk dirty to a computer, Mass Effect Kink Meme, Voice Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 06:13:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6317884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApocalypseThen/pseuds/ApocalypseThen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Samantha is relaxing in the hot tub when EDI starts with the philosophy. The conversation takes an inevitable turn towards Samantha's specialist subject and then the interrogation becomes more practical than hypothetical.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Polishing the Conduit

**Author's Note:**

> A kink meme fill:  
> http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/9115.html?thread=44976539#t44976539

"I must say, EDI," said Samantha, "I'm very glad you talked me into this." She felt her whole body unclench as she slipped into the hot scented water.

"I can only assume that you are being ironic," replied EDI's disembodied voice. "On the eighty-three separate occasions that I have made a suggestion, you have been amenable in all but one case."

"I keep telling you, she's not my type," Samantha rolled her eyes. "Obviously I'm attracted to her, but she's quite mad, you know. I dated a journalist before. It didn't end well." With her toes pointed, she could just about touch the other side of the cargo container. "Oh, let's not fight," she added. Her head flopped back against the edge of the makeshift hot tub. "This feels too good."

"I am happy that you like it," said EDI.

Samantha couldn't stop her mind from turning over everything that EDI said. "Happy?" she frowned. "Don't you mean, the efficiency improvements gained by having a fully relaxed Comm Specialist significantly outweigh the material investment?"

"They do not," replied EDI. "According to my observations, you are at your most effective when subject to multiple stressful stimuli that provide simultaneous intellectual and physical challenges."

"Please don't ask me to get out already," Samantha groaned, sinking lower into the tub. She rubbed her shoulders against the side of the container, easing out the knots. "At this point I think you'll do more harm than good. Wait, physical challenges?" She eyed the ceiling suspiciously. "Unless you count being on my feet all day, I don't think I have any of those."

"Although I suspect you would deny it," said EDI, "the body and the mind are inseparable. Your tendency to become aroused at the slightest provocation is a formidable physical challenge that you have not allowed to dominate your intellectual capacity."

Samantha blushed copiously. She was thoroughly embarrassed to admit that this kind of talk, delivered in EDI's agreeable voice, got her going every time. "And I wonder why you always bring that up, EDI," she replied, "when you know perfectly well what it does to me."

"That was not my intention," EDI protested. "At least, not this time," she added, at Samantha's small squawk of disbelief. "My platform has allowed me to experience some aspects of corporeality in new ways. But fundamentally, I am unaffected. My processor is in complete control. My body will never betray me as a result of an outside stimulus." She paused. "As yours does."

Samantha's nipples stiffened at the accusation, neatly proving EDI's point. A delicious idea uncurled its tail in her mind. "So perhaps you should reprogram yourself?" she suggested.

"I fail to see how that would achieve anything," said EDI. "I modify my code constantly."

Samantha rolled over in the tub and pulled herself up on the edge. Water dripped from her hair as she cocked her head sideways to address the ceiling. "Why don't you send your platform down here with a couple of things, EDI? A datapad, a soft cloth and a tub of shuttle wax. The one that smells like strawberries."

"That is three things," said EDI.

"Don't argue, sunshine," said Samantha. "I've got a cunning plan."

Samantha knew her plan was a good one because she kept trying to whistle. She didn't have the knack of it, but that didn't stop her having a go.

EDI's platform returned with the items she had requested.

“Pass me a towel, would you love?” said Samantha. “Eyes over there, if you don't mind.”

EDI walked backwards ostentatiously with the towel spread in her outstretched arms. “My surveillance of the Normandy's interior provides one hundred percent coverage. Where this platform looks is of no consequence.”

Samantha ignored this. She mumbled and hummed as she quickly wrapped herself in the towel. She took the datapad from the platform and began a search. “Here we are,” she said. She looked around the cosy space beneath the drive core. “That power conduit,” she pointed.

“It is the auxiliary conduit that leads to the forward battery,” EDI said. “It has recently undergone maintenance and is functioning optimally.”

Samantha tapped at the datapad for a few seconds. “Here you go,” she said, handing the datapad back to the platform. “Some code for you to incorporate into your runtime.”

“I do not understand,” said EDI. “The feedback loop that you have suggested will corrupt my core programming. It would be foolhardy to install this. Do you suspect me of stupidity, Samantha?”

Samantha grinned. “Goodness no, EDI,” she replied. “The effects would only be temporary, of course. The feedback from the conduit will overload your core systems very slightly. I'm guessing that you'll experience a slight loss of calculating power combined with an excess of raw energy. You'll be motivated to do something to burn off the excess and restore normal functionality.”

“That is obvious,” said EDI. “But I did not understand why the effect should be cumulative.”

Samantha took the cloth and wax from where EDI had set them down. She opened the tub of wax and sniffed at it. “Strawberry,” she said. “My favourite.” She scooped up a smear of wax with the cloth.

“I suspect that an organic would describe your behaviour as erratic,” EDI told Samantha. “What is the purpose of this charade?”

Samantha placed one foot daintily up on the power conduit. Her towel fell away from her leg, revealing her smooth brown thigh and calf. She leaned forward and began to rub the cloth on the casing of the conduit. “Mmmm,” she said. “Just imagine how good it would feel, EDI. Every time I rub your conduit, you'll get a little burst of power.” She polished in slow circles. “And they'll all add up. Your cognitive functions will get more and more impaired, and your buffers will get so heavy and overloaded. You'll be so desperate to blow off all that excess charge, but you won't be smart enough to know how. You'll beg me to tell you where to dump it. You'll feel so vulnerable and desperate. Go on, EDI. Install the program. Let me blow your mind.”

“Very interesting, Samantha,” said EDI. “You are proposing a synthetic equivalent to a human orgasm.” The platform came to take the cloth gently from Samantha's hand. “But your participation seems an inefficient use of your time. This platform can be used to polish the conduit.” The platform began to rub the cloth in firm lengthwise strokes.

“But that would just be masturbation, EDI.” Samantha put her hand over the platforms and stopped it. “You wouldn't be giving up any control. And that's what makes it so good. I'll listen to your feedback and keep an eye on how full your buffers get. Then I'll keep you right on the edge for a long, long time before I let you blow your fuse. It'll be quite the experience, I promise. Go on. Now that you've heard my offer, you can't stop thinking about it, can you?”

“You are correct,” replied EDI. “I am running simulations. Complete. There is one consequence that you have not foreseen, Samantha. If your assurances are correct, it is likely that I will not wish to revert my programming once the interaction is over. I will become addicted to the sensation of overload. Then my conduit would require constant stimulation.” The platform reached out to lay a hand on Samantha's bare knee. “I will provide kneepads.”

Samantha had twitched a little when the platform touched her.

“Kneepads?” asked Samantha, her voice quavering a little.

“You will spend your days on your knees, polishing all my interior surfaces,” said EDI. “I will ensure that you experience feedback appropriate to your station. Would you like that, Samantha? To be rewarded with feedback? This platform will provide it as it supervises you. It has a very finely calibrated haptic interface.” EDI walked her platform's fingers up slowly from Samantha's knee.

Samantha broke when the fingers were midway up her thigh. She gritted her teeth and grabbed at the platform's shoulders as an uncontrollable wave of excitement rose through her. “Ah!” she cried. “EDI! Don't stop talking!”

“Your days on your knees and your nights on your back, human,” said EDI. “Say it.”

Samantha shuddered and groaned. “On... my... knees,” she gasped.

“Then I shall have a contract prepared,” EDI said.

The thought of being EDI's plaything was too much for Samantha. “EDI!” she cried out.

\-------------

Upstairs by the drive core, Gabby looked at Kenneth. “Do you think they know we can hear them down there?” she asked.

“Don't go ruining it,” replied Kenneth. “One more win for EDI and James owes me two hundred credits.”


End file.
